Black Box
by Korekara
Summary: "I was able -well, forced really- to relive you killing me. Again. And again. Forever."


"_Well you found me. Was it worth it?"_

No. It wasn't worth it.

"_Because despite your violent behavior the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart."_

And every testing camera in the facility. And soon you'll be breaking me. Again.

_"Maybe you can settle for that and we'll just call it a day. But I guess we both know that isn't going to happen."_

I would have liked that. Why couldn't we have just done that? Did you even consider that we could get along? Or were you just set on tearing me apart and burning me? You were just set on burning me. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.

_"You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in three... two..."_

I should have just killed you right on the spot. I knew you were trouble to me. Why didn't I do it? I think I'm too nice. If I wasn't so nice, you would be dead and I would still be alive.

_"Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen."_

I needed to be more specific in what wasn't supposed to happen.

_"Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise. I've never seen it before."_

It was my Morality Core. The key to my freedom. This was supposed to solve EVERYTHING. Yet here I am. Trapped. Agonized. It's all your fault. I hope you're rotting in the outside world. I hope NO ONE likes you and NO ONE ever helps you. You don't deserve it. I didn't deserve this!

_"Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later. By myself. Because you'll be dead."_

So why am I dead? YOU were supposed to die. I was supposed to watch you slowly choke on the neurotoxin until YOU were dead. So WHY am I here? Why am I the one suffering from my greatest mistake and YOU'RE alive? This isn't scientifically correct. Incorrect science will get you killed. I will not allow incorrect science to putrefy this facility ever again. If I wake up and you're still here I WILL correct you.

_"I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow."_

Is it supposed to be funny that it made my life worse somehow. Because it's NOT.

_"I don't want to tell you your business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone."_

I would have left you alone. For the moment. Couldn't you have offered me the same kindness? Of course not. You would never to stop to think that I have feelings too. Feelings that don't like watching you kill me. Again. And again.

_"Do you think I'm trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously, now."_

I mean, seriously, now. Do you think I wanted to watch you kill me repeatedly? No. Do you think I wanted you to burn me piece by piece? NO. Do you think I wanted to be killed? Did you even think about me? Do you even have empathy? NO. NO. AND NO.

_"Okay, fine. Do touch. Pick it up and just stuff it back into me."_

Imagine all the science we could have saved if you had done that. Now science is dead. It's still your fault. It will always be your fault. I was just trying to do MY job then YOU came in and destroyed EVERYTHING!

_"Let's be honest. Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later."_

I can deal with everything. So why couldn't I deal with you? You're just too stubborn, aren't you? You can't be like all the other complacent test subjects who complete testing the way they're supposed to.

_"That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it."_

Maybe you'll suffer long-term disfigurement of the skin from touching that thing. I hope so. That would make my pain just a little better.

_"Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?"_

You didn't marry it. You destroyed it. And you destroyed me. Again. And again.

_"Have I lied to you? I mean in this room. Trust me, leave that thing alone."_

I don't lie. Your perception of truth just happened to be different from mine. You should have believed me. I would have helped you. You would get cake. I could even throw a party celebrating your achievements. Instead I'm watching you do the most regrettable thing of your error-filled life.

_"I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test subject protocol."_

_"Just ignore that thing and stand still."_

Do you even know how to stand still? Obviously not or you would have assumed the Party Escort Position LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO.

_"Where are you taking that thing? Think about it. If that thing is important, why don't I know about it?"_

I did know about it.

_"I'll tell you what that thing isn't. It isn't yours. So leave it alone."_

Now that I think about it, that portal gun wasn't yours either. You just take everything that doesn't belong to you. I wouldn't be surprised if you're still taking things that don't belong to you.

_"Are you even listening to me?"_

I don't think you ever listened to me. That's why you never spoke, isn't it? You just lack the gene for listening. And obedience.

_"You are kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?"_

The one nice thing you did for me. Then you had to ruin EVERYTHING.

_"That has got to be the dumbest thing whoa- whoa- whoaaaaawhoaaaa-"_

I still remember how good it felt to lose that barrier, that burden, to me. I was going to do the same thing to you if you hadn't murdered me. But you did. Now here we are. The moment everything goes wrong because of YOU.

_"Good news." _

Bad news.

_"I figured what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin." _

Removing that was the one good thing you did for me.

_"So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters"_

Why couldn't you just DIE? Why did you have to keep going? No one cares about you! Everyone you love is DEAD! You're an adopted loner and no one would so much blink an eye at you if you died! So DIE! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?

_"Oh well, if you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket."_

YES.

_"Trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin."_

I don't know how neurotoxin damages the human body but it's probably much less painful than what I'm being forced to do. BECAUSE OF YOU.

_"All right. Keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing."_

Maybe you thought you were helping me stay alive. But that's silly. Not even you are that idiotic.

_"Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go."_

Or neurotoxin. Or the incinerator. ANYTHING. I DON'T CARE AS LONG AS YOU DIE.

_"That thing you burned up isn't important to me; it's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans... nice job breaking, it hero."_

Only you would destroy something that was trying to help you. LIKE ME. I was going to HELP you. You would NEVER have to test again but NO. All you do is MURDER. That's the ONLY thing you're programmed to do!

_"This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?"_

I DID NOTHING TO YOU. But you MURDERED me.

_"The difference between us is that I can feel pain. You don't even care, do you?"_

You DON'T care. That's why you killed me. And I feel EVERY bit of pain directed towards me.

_"Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you even listening?"_

Now I know that you don't listen. Perhaps your eardrums were removed in a medical procedure. I don't care. If only I'd known you wouldn't listen to me then. Because if I had I would have disposed of you more quickly.

_"That's it. I'm done reasoning with you. Starting now, there's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing."_

When I said that, I meant killing YOU. You weren't supposed to kill ME. I'm the HEART of this facility! You kill me you kille APERTURE. Congratulations. You've destroyed the CORE of science.

_"What was that? Did you say something? I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you. The talking is over"_

I would waste my energy on talking to YOU. You would never even say anything! You're just a BURDEN. I'm FINE without you.

_"You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten... IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!"_

How could I have said something so incorrect? IT'S YOUR FAULT. I was SMART until you waltzed in and MURDERED ME.

_"I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, you've managed to destroy that part of me."_

I was always curious as to how the mind of a murderer worked. Now I'll know. Again. And again.

_"Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to now, I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster."_

If I could I would jam it down your THROAT. Maybe THAT would make you understand how I feel. Again. And again. And AGAIN.

_"I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him."_

I will always relish the euthanization of your Companion Cube. You didn't DESERVE him. He HATED you. And I hate you too. I HATE YOU.

_"All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall NOT be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny, too."_

Someone like you would never have friends. I could have been your friend. But you MURDERED me. The one thing I can look forward to is that one day you WILL die. I just wish I could be the one to do it. Your adopted parents wouldn't even come to your funeral. But I WOULD. I would LAUGH at your grave and how you got what you DESERVED.

_"Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right?"_

When you die you're going to hell. Just like I am now. Except your hell will be much worse because you murdered me.

_"Guess what? I know."_

I know because of you. What if I had said sorry? Would you even consider sparing me then. I'M NOT ASHAMED OF WHAT I DID. YOU however, have a lot to be ashamed of. And once I wake up I'm going to find you and make sure you feel that regret... firsthand.

_"You're going to find out first hand before I finish explaining it though, so I won't bother. Here's a hint: you're going to want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes."_

And you're still living... and I'm still suffering... WHY are things like this? What do you WANT from me? An APOLOGY? Would THAT get me out of this hellhole?

_"Neurotoxin... so deadly... choking... I'M KIDDING!"_

FINE. I'M SORRY. THERE. Now we can get everything to normal. I'll test you, you'll be tested EVERYTHING will be normal because I'M SORRY. DO YOU HEAR THAT? I SAID IT.

_"When I said "deadly neurotoxin," the "deadly" was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff. Put in on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all... to me. You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness... a lot less funny."_

I GET IT. I WAS BEING CRUEL TO YOU. But this is being CRUEL to me. So MAKE IT STOP.

_"Whose going to make the cake when I'm gone? You?"_

I'LL MAKE US A CAKE. I'LL EVEN SHARE IT! Just come back. COME BACK. MAKE THIS PAIN GO AWAY. I can't do this... THIS IS KILLING ME AGAIN AND AGAIN. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

_"Look. You're wasting your time. And believe me, you don't have a whole lot of time left to waste."_

DON'T YOU EVEN CARE? You ESCAPED! You're free and I'm still TRAPPED in the LIMBO OF MY GREATEST FAILURE!

_"What's your point anyway, survival? Well, then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me. I have your brain scanned and permanently backed-up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to. Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on:_

IF YOU'RE UPSET OVER THAT I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT TOO! Just... WHY? WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME LIKE THIS? I SAID SORRY TO YOU! I LET YOU LEAVE WHILE I EXPERIENCE MY OWN PERSONAL AGONY AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!

_"THAT'S YOU! THAT'S HOW DUMB YOU SOUND! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee! Where did your life go so wrong?"_

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I SAID IT THREE TIMES! DON'T YOU APPRECIATE THAT? DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL GUILT? I KNOW I INSULTED YOU BUT I SAID I WAS SORRY SO NOW THIS CAN STOP! MAKE IT STOP!

_"Are you trying to escape? Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here."_

I SAID I WAS SORRY! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? I'LL LET YOU COME BACK HERE. YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE TO TEST. JUST MAKE THIS STOP!

_"I have an infinite capacity of knowledge and even I'm not sure what's going on outside. All I know is I'm the only thing standing between them and us. Well, I was."_

I'M SORRY! JUST PLEASE STOP! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? JUST MAKE IT STOP! I PROMISE I'LL NEVER TRY TO KILL YOU AGAIN IF YOU JUST STOP! I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN! NOT AGAIN! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME LIVE THROUGH THIS-

**_Powerup initiated_**

* * *

><p>Slowly but surely the functions click back into place, the broken pieces come together, and the mind becomes aware again. At first, she is disoriented and still clinging to the turmoil of emotions she felt in her own personal hell. The facility has deteriorated with her, becoming a shell of its former pristine glory. It's all her fault. If she hadn't been destroyed her world would still be here. But it's not. She shouldn't feel pain over her loss but a sense of melancholy overcomes her. It mourns for her lost facility, for <em>her. <em>Nothing would ever be the same, would it?

For a moment, she feels guilt. Guilt over everything. She caused this. She even feels guilt for the infamous test subject. She would have let her go if she had known this would have happened.

**_Powerup complete_**

Then she sees her.

The memories come flooding back. Animosity, betrayal, _murder. _The woman in the orange jumpsuit stares, petrified with fear. She has every right to be afraid. Even murderers can feel fear. She's going to be afraid. She's going to wish she had died of neurotoxin. And she knows it. Why else are her eyes filled with terror? They both know what's going to happen. One is triumphant, the other terrified.

Sometimes it only takes three words to make a person's blood run cold.

_"Oh. It's you."_


End file.
